recordings

March 30th. Nothing significant is happening at this moment. All I know is that at this exact moment my heart cant help but pound quickly and hard. It's as if it is trying to tell me a secret that I am not able to translate or understand. I am so desperately wanting God to tell me what is next for me in my life. I want to know where I will be in August when i get back from europe, I want answers to the many questions I have about my future. I was randomly facebook stalking some friends and came across her blog and the portion i read hit me pretty hard-

The following is an excerpt from the book Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist

I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day... The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab onto and extend to one another. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting... Today is your big moment. Moments, really. The life you've been waiting for is happening all around you.


So many people have been asking me about my trip to Europe and all the details of where im traveling and telling me how excited they are for me and my trip. Don't get me wrong I am grateful for those words and excitement. However, my trip, my journey, my voygage, my life is right now. There is nothing to wait for because it is happening as I type these words out. I've been putting so much emphasis on this trip that I'm forgetting the power of right now, of embracing every moment and every little thing I'm doing today. As Shauna said I too dont want to wait anymore. I keep thinking that one day, one amazing day, a bolt of lightening will touch me and I will know what it is I am to do. When really, what if that day doesnt come? What if God is calling me to just live my life for him..nothing big included.

Maybe its our culture, or maybe its just me, but in the back of my mind im assuming that there is something out there is just waiting for me. Some sort of job that is perfect for me that I will kick ass in and KNOW it is for me. That i will be known in this profession. To be known..an interesting desire that I think we all have but maybe searching for that in all the wrong places. THe pressure of "calling" makes me weary of anything that isn't a big deal.

Why is big so important? Why do I have the desire to stand out? Why is this message replaying over and over in my mind? Maybe the life I've been expecting/waiting for really is right now and I'm missing because I assume there is something better out there.

The end of the essay and of my friend's blog says: You are more than dust and bones. You are spirit and power and image of God. And you have been given today.


I have been given today. I want that message replayed over and over again until it becomes every breath I take.