wow i cant believe its march already. crazy.
i havent really blogged in a while because well
i didnt have much to say.
the past few months have been beautiful and hard
and pretty empty. i havent had any responsibilities
or really anything to do. im currently living in Wheaton
with my sister who had her first baby, my nephew!! I feel
so lucky to have this time to live with her and her husband
and just help out with my nephew. living in the northwest the past few
years i have not been able to be around family very much- so being able to
live with my sister and help out with my amazingly beautiful and wide eyed
nephew is like a dream. granted i know wayyyyyy too much about giving birth and babies
but i guess it comes with the territory:) (btw having babies looks HORRIBLE but also kinda cool and that is all im gonna say on that matter):)
so im living with my sister, watching my nephew, changing diapers and doing a lot of holding of the babes..but beyond that my life is simple. at times....scary at how simple it is. i honesty think the first few weeks i didnt know what to do. i was paralyzed with having a complete and open schedule and really not knowing anyone in the Wheaton area. I started reading books and watching movies and just relaxing. for awhile i felt guilt because i wasnt being productive but then reality hit me....how fricken lucky am i that i get this time? i just spent 7 months learning about myself, my faith, and philosophy.....the fact that i dont have to rush processing or having to be thrown back into work and community is actually a relief. dont get me wrong, i miss my community of friends BUT i think it wouldve been extremely overwhelming and i wouldn't of had the time to really relax and think about the past 200 days. in fact, i feel like ive received a glimmer of what it looks like to live a slower lifestyle. since i only know 1 person in wheaton its not like i have my nights filled up going out to bars or happy hours, or people's houses, or small group, or work, or fill in the blank. i have nothing but time, cooking, reading, spending time with my nephew, my sister, my brother in law, and my good friend louie. i cannot begin to tell you how freeing it has been. granted, it hasnt been an easy adjustment but im really starting to love it. im learning to embrace the times i get to be around friends- i get to see louie maybe once or twice a week, but those times are precious and amazing to me because 1) she is one of my close friends from college that i love and havent lived by in years and 2) i can really BE with her and not busy worrying about a million things or hurrying off to someplace else.
less truly is more. and im honestly nervous about what is next in my life. i know i cant live my life like this forever. at some point i will have to take on responsibility and have things i need to do. but i want to remember this time, i want to instill a slower lifestyle- but i know the moment i get back into a city that old lifestyle will quickly impede on my circle and i could easily get swallowed up in it.
all in all, im so blessed to have this time. and i cannot even begin to describe
how grateful i am for it. i wouldn't change it for anything else.
who would've guessed that i would enjoy slowing down
and enjoy learning how to cook, and being able to
read books of all kinds, and love being
around a baby (i seriously remember
in college when i said i didnt
like children...ummm yeah
that has definitely changed!)
all i know is im changing
and im excited
nervous,scared
but overall
grateful.
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