as the leaves change

it is fall. the english countryside is effected much less than in michigan.  Living in the country has opened my eyes to a new way of life that for so long I have automatically downplayed and assumed i would never like and that it would be a drab place to be.  and as much as i love being right i must come face to face with my pride on this one and openly admit my love for the english countryside. i could live here. I really could live here. But let me be specific, it must be in the english countryside, nothing else.  the hills, the fields, the sun, the trees, everything is like a painting however the canvas changes. with the morning comes light that is new to the trees and with the evening the moon silhouettes the manor house in a way that words could never describe. a picture honestly couldn't capture it either. it is a view that leaves one wondering outloud, how can it be this beautiful? and how can it feel so new every day?

my return to england has been a bittersweet experience thus far.  being back at Labri is not at all what i expected it to be for a second time around. everything is different. again when we read different it does not mean bad, it just means different. the community is completely different, i am meeting with a different tutor, I'm studying on a much different level than before, and it is a completely new season- fall. some of the faces are the same and the building is the same. but the insides are what has changed. its like a cup of coffee. we all drink it from a mug, but every time we drink the inside, the coffee, can be different everytime. we still enjoy the taste and flavor (unless you are drinking coffee at a really crappy place then..it will suck) BUT generally we will still enjoy it even though it may be a different brand and different kind. Labri feels the same. it is the same in some ways but also very different but i love it and it is still an amazing place for me all the same.

when i first arrived through the doors that say "welcome to labri" it was if my entire being was able to relax and truly be where it was at. i felt home for the first time in a while. but as i got back into the routine i realized i needed a time of mourning. i needed to mourn the fact that i am living with all new people, a totally new community and that i truly missed my old community from the summer. I had to really see how different these communities were and embrace the fact that there is no way they could be similar. i had to let go so i could fully embrace. it is similar to when the seasons change. summer is an exciting time, a time to play and be free and be in the sun. a time of being really busy and having crazy schedules but when fall comes people have to really get back into not being so busy, putting on warmer clothes, and being inside more than they were before. i've had friends talk about the transition from summer to fall and that they really have to make a concerted effort to get back into a "routine" and at times they really miss their life from the summer and have to mourn the fact that it cant always be like that. Whatever I experience in life I will never be able to have the exact same experience again. It doesnt negate future experiences it just means they will always be different.

i am living in the season of fall. as the leaves change so has my perspective and my life in this town I have been living in the past 4 months. i miss the old but i also love the new. all the colors, all the stories, all the faces, and all the new pains that come with it. a season of letting go which will eventually turn into a season of growth.