on being loved

im gonna make a broad assumption here and assume that all of us want to be loved. to feel it deeply in our souls, from our head down on to our toes (yup that just rhymed..unintentional). its crazy how we may want something so much but when we get it, it feels so awkward. the past few weeks leading up to my departure i have had friends surround me and just shower me with love and support. i dont think words can express how much it has all meant to me.

last night a few people came over and prayed over me and my trip and i was just blown away by the whole experience. i realized that even though i do want/need love, when it is right up in my face i feel so damn awkward. i dont know how to receive it. i would much rather be the person praying or giving to someone else then having to receive.

when i receive love or help i am humbled because i realize that i am in need and in my mind need means being weak. and being weak in our society is highly frowned upon. thinking of the media, magazines and books, we are pushed to succeed in everyway possible. pushed to be strong and hold on to whatever we have and to never give up.
however the past 2 months of being homeless and actually physically needing a place to stay i have experienced so much joy and understanding that to need is not weak at all. needing is a chance for others to give, for others to love, ultimately for God to provide. even though i have felt so intrusive and awkward asking for help it has taught me so much about the power of community and that by having needs it can bring people together and in the end bring people back to the Lord because he is the one providing and He is the one who gets to receive all that praise!

im pretty sure im rambling but i just gotta emphasize how much the past 2 months have begun to open me up and help me to see the importance of not always having to be strong, of allowing others to carry me and love me and be there. All i can say is thank you to everyone who has let me sleep on their couch, bed, or spent time with me and encouraged me. through all of those moments I have seen God and his love for me and been able to see what "church" and "community" can and do look like.

as i leave Seattle today for my crazy journey ahead i cant help but feel at peace and ready because I know that i have people behind me supporting me and praying for me. God is present, and God has gone ahead of me for this trip and I cannot wait to grow and to be challenged and to see him in new and different ways.

you are all so loved. i hope and pray that God continues to shine his face upon you and open you up to new aspects of who He is!:)

until next time...!:)