Table for one please

I like italy.  The people and their movements. I like the way the elderly couple yells at each other by the bus stop, the gazes lovers give to one another, all the history surrounding Rome and its competing modern age.  There is life here. The italian life.  Life that isnt because of tourists roaming the streets at all hours of the nights but it is in the way they seem to embrace life, embrace family and community, and the way they embrace food, wine and gelato!

I did not feel this way in Prague. Prague felt empty. No life, no community, only tourists scouring to see a city and its history and sucking out the little life that it has left.  There were no glimpses of the heart of the city, of what makes it tick, makes it come alive, makes it laugh or even makes it angry.  There was no spirit and no pride.  Nothing to grab ahold of or to be inspired by. Buildings can only give life by the community that surrounds it, inspires it, and loves it.  If it is not embraced then it is dead, and this was prague to me.

Spain and italy still have a beating heart, a life in it that is contagious to all that enter into it.  As you walk the streets you see the beauty of the people and the city they love and take care of.

I really havent done too much in the later portions of the night. I typically go out to dinner and wander around and ive realized that those simple tasks have given me fulfillment and life.  At times I worry that Im not doing enough and then I have to remind myself melting into the background of a restaurant or a piazza and letting the culture overcome and pass through me is more than enough.  Embracing the small and little things can be more than enough, in fact, i think its exactly what i need more.

Tonight I ate dinner at Da Lucia Dal and the ambience is delightful! A true Romana italian ristorante.  I was outside on the corner of the alley where there were parked cars and vespas and other tiny ristorantes jammed into small spaces.  The wall directly across from me had tables for two people and had graffiti as their backdrop.  The elegant italian nature of the ristorante was made alive and even more beautiful with the graffiti, in fact, if it was just a plain wall it would have been plain and boring.

As I sat there drinking white wine and waiting for my meal I had feelings of guilt for taking up a table. I see people waiting and I feel bad for taking up their space.  Being alones makes you realize the space you are taking up that others could be occupying and utilizing better.  You become keenly aware of others looking at you, wondering what your story is and why you were here alone.  I feel the eyes of pity and sometimes the eyes of anger glancing at me and my inefficient space taking and taking their table. Their..plural.  Everyone else is here with someone.  Am I challenging the norm by going out alone? 

It made me think about how we are made for community.  Eating is such a communal event, especially in Italy.  The way people question my aloneness makes me wonder how we all internally expect to be with others and assume others will be too.  We all deep down know or feel taht we should not be alone. The simple act of going out to eat alone pretty much solidifies that notion because typically there are no tables for 1 person and when you do go out alone, it feels out of balance..as i mentioned before.

Im not saying that being alone is bad, in fact, i believe we all need to be alone and in some ways, should be a part of our life that we enter into more. However, it is moments like this that remind me of how God created us- to in community with Him and with others.

Part of me feels bad but the other part..the smart part...truly loves this whole experience of learning to be alone, not lonely but just learning to be at peace with myself and my surroundings.  And tonight my surroundings included eating outside on a warm night in Rome where the breeze started to pass by me which helped me forget the scorching day I had a few hours before..it was drinking white wine and being in a dimly lit alley way that had sounds of forks scraping plates and people talking in a variety of languages and people fanning themselves trying to take off the last heat of the day. 

This is what it means to live...to see all of these things.